Month: August 2012

  • God in Banff

    -taken from an excerpt of my separate journal on this trip-

    When I got back to my room, I had a really deep conversation with my roommate, which was weird because our conversations were always full of fluff and lightness. Anyhow,Maggie had been dealing with a bad break up and she told me about it. As a response, I let her know that I also dealt with a break up just a week before coming to Banff. Surprised by how soon the event happened, she told me what had happened. So I filled her in with some details, stating that my then boyfriend might not be what I look for in a marriage, and instead of dragging on the relationship for too long, I decided to end it quickly. The strange thing is that Maggie agreed to a lot of the points I made. She felt exactly the same way as I did, and although our situations with our boyfriends had been different, the core of it was very, very similar. She was so intrigued by our similarities that she wanted to continue talking to me.

     

    Maggie: How are you guys dealing with the break up though? Although I want to break up with my boyfriend, I highly doubt he would even let me since the feeling isn’t mutual…

     

    Me: I know what you mean. Here’s what we’re doing though – we decided that we would give each other a month to not talk to each other to sort things out on our own. No texting, no calling. By then, I would have my answer as to whether or not this relationship should continue on or not. But here’s the thing – we’re also taking this time to focus on our relationship with God. If not for that, I don’t even think we’d survive this month.

     

    All of a sudden, Maggie jumped at me and wanted to learn more about Christianity. She explained that she considers herself agnostic. She also told me that with all the events leading up to her present life, there can be no possible way that those events happened as a coincidence. She believes that a powerful being from above must be controlling it.

     

    I took a deep breath, and began to talk. I ferociously asked God to be with me as I had never been good with words. I didn’t believe that I knew enough about God to be in the position to tell Maggie what I thought of Christianity. But you know what? That’s why God provides. He knew that I had been interested in evangelizing this entire year. He believes that someone so ordinary like me can help God reach out toothers, even though I may not have enough wisdom as a pastor would.

     

    I was nervous. So nervous! What if Maggie argued back, somehow? What if I didn’t know the answers to her questions? But somehow, Maggie was listening so well. I could tell she had been waiting for someone to tell her all of this. I was surprised by how collected I was, how I was handling the situation. I was actually in no time for a long conversation because I had promised Tiedan that after I took a quick shower after being back from Sulphur, I would meet him in his room. Although that was in the back of my mind, I knew that this was so much more important.In the end, I told her that I actually brought a book about Christianity that I had intended to read at some point while I was away from home. I told her that this book would answer more of her questions and that if she wanted to continuetalking about it some other time, I would be open for that.

     

    Once Maggie left the room, I was in a state of shock. How in the world…. How did all of that just happen? Although I wasn’t able to bring Maggie to God, I know that I was at least able to help her to be on the right track for that. I jumped in excitement. I almost wanted to cry because I was so in awe of God’s grace and power. I had wondered how God would use me in a foreign place filled with foreign people. I actually tried my best to reach out to Adam, because although he called himself a Christian, he didn’t like being at church and didn’t truly believe in God. All in all, he didn’t understand the severity of the whole situation he had put himself into. I talked to God about him at one point in the week, but nothing I said phased him. Thankfully though, God showed me that there’s no such thing has dead ends as long Be’s there. He found someone else for me to speak to, and I’m so, so glad.

     

    I do have to admit though, ever since that day, we didn’t get to speak about God at all. The next two weeks became so much more hectic and we hardly got to see each other even though we were roommates. I’m disappointed in myself that I never got to have a follow-up conversation with her. And although I gave her my book to borrow, I don’t even know if she even read it at all. There was one time she had been drinking in our room with a friend. She had her bottle of whatever she was drinking on top of my book. I felt offended, in a strange way. I wanted her to take it more seriously, and by my own judgment, I wasn’t so sure if she even wanted to.

     

    In the end, however, I just needed to trust in God. I am not in a position to be judging others. I did my very best to speak to her, and now the rest will be placed in God’s hands. I will continue to pray for her, and I hope that we will cross paths again, somehow, someday.

  • Banff and High School Memories

    From July 22nd to August 11th, I was part of a piano program in Banff, Canada. I honestly didn't know what to expect. I had such a bummed out beginning of the summer that I wasn't particularly hyped up to go to Banff like I normally would have been. I figured that anywhere would make my summer happier than being in Vegas, so I knew I would at least have some fun there. I just had no idea how much of an impression it would leave me with.

    If I had to write up an entire blog on my experience at Banff, it would be way too long. I'm keeping a separate journal of all the details of my days at Banff for myself, since no one would want to read something so long here. Besides this post, I plan to make one more post about Banff in the future on a rather different topic.
    When I look back at my experience at Banff, I now understand why I had the time of my life there. It felt like high school, even though all of my friends were pianists. Even though we were all pretty much adults (well at least in Canada, we are). For the first time since I started college, I felt like I was living again. Like my true old self from high school. 
    Although I am still me, and a lot about me hasn't quite changed... I felt like how I've treated my surroundings had drastically changed since I started college. On a more tangible note, I stopped bullying people and stopped being super hyper and giddy like I was in high school. I didn't feel like I had the right group of friends at NU to be able to let myself out like that. In high school, my friends didn't care. They accepted me for who I was, and despite my craziness, they still had lots of fun being around me. I felt so comfortable. I felt at home with my high school friends, which is something I still have yet to feel with the friends I've made at NU. As a result, I've become more "anti-social" and a lot more quiet. I obediently finished my schoolwork, practiced piano, and worked to make money. I'd hang out with people just to make sure I don't overload myself with stress. As much as I love Chicago to death and the opportunities that I've encountered there... I really miss my old self, and the old community I was once part of.
    I don't know what it was about the people in Banff that gave me the signal to just let loose, and not be so uptight about hanging out with people. Maybe it's because of some of the activities we all did together.
    We played ping pong. Super smash brothers melee and brawl. My friends taught me how to play super mario galaxy and skyward sword from Zelda, two of the games I've been most curious about. We went swimming (where I finally learned to tread water in the deep water!), and hiking plenty of times. Sometimes we'd go hang out in downtown Banff by window shopping and eating good food. We'd watch the beautiful stars on the 6th floor balcony at night. We ate meals together, and we spent so much time together.
    I realized all of these activities had me reminiscing about my high school days. Especially ping pong and super smash. The two things that I loved playing with my friends. Even the level of playing from my Banff friends were similar to the level of playing from my high school friends, haha.
    And this is quite inevitable for someone like me, but the closest friends I made at Banff were guys, just like my group of guy friends in high school. There's just something about me that has a hard time connecting with girls... haha. For the first time since high school I felt like I could act like my normal self around these guys. I missed being a "bro" to them. All of the friends I made reminded me of my high school friends so much, except they are all exceptional in piano.
    Which is what makes these group of people even more amazing. They understand the struggles I go through with piano. There was one time I was with my two closest friends, Wesley and Tiedan, in a studio where we had our first deep conversation. They really wanted me to perform while I was at Banff, but I was too afraid. I couldn't do it... not after seeing the level of playing among my peers. I was frustrated and I let out my problems to them. Yet somehow, they just knew how to comfort me. They made me realize that I need to just let go of that fear; it's a the certain way they said it that really made me wake up for once. Those two are amazing pianists... Wesley goes to NEC, and Tiedan is part of the Columbia/Juilliard joint program. I know they know that I'm not nearly as good as them. But still... they tried to help me out so much. They told me to perform for them. I kept on getting memory slips (why was I even nervous to play for them in the first place? jeez.) but they kept telling me that it was okay. Over a period of time, it got easier to play for them, and I started to relax a little. And a few times, I even received lessons from my friends, which actually became more useful than some of the lessons I received from my professors. Sometimes it's better to receive tips on a piece from your own peers... because they're the ones that actually go through all the effort (and pain >__<) to learn the piece, whereas your professors probably haven't played the piece you're learning in many years, or never at all. 
    And speaking of Wesley and Tiedan... those two really made me feel like I was with my two best friends Bobby and Richard. They were both my middle school friends and then high school friends. It was always the three of us since then. We were like the trio... just like how Wesley, Tiedan and I were the trio in Banff. 
    Richard even reminds me of Tiedan because of their leadership and personality. They are both louder, and knows how to get attention. They were usually the ones that were noticed first. Wesley and Bobby are alike in ways, too. They both seem more passive than Richard and Tiedan, although they may not seem like that as individuals away from the trio. Not to mention that Richard and Bobby were the best of friends, just like Wesley and Tiedan are to each other. 
    What's even more ironic is that Richard and Bobby kept insisting that I learn to swim two summers ago. It took them two weeks to get me to touch the water, but in the end, they taught me how to swim at LVAC, even though the pool only got to 4 1/2 feet deep. Tiedan and Wesley begged me for two weeks to swim as well, and finally I decided to go swimming with them at the very last week. Tiedan ended up teaching me how to tread water in the deep water. The pool was somewhere between 10-12 ft deep, and I was legit swimming and treading water on my own by the end of my time at the pool that day. It was a miracle. 
    Or the times that Richard, Bobby and I would all be in the backseat of Richard's uncle's car after he came to pick us all up from summer school. We would always fool around being the kids we were. Or sometimes, we would all be so pooped that we would just fall asleep the whole car ride home. I was always in the middle, because Richard and Bobby needed more space to sit. -_- And sadly, it was the same when I ended up in the backseat with Tiedan and Wesley. It only happened once, when Qing and his girlfriend invited the three of us to visit Johnston Canyon, which was about half an hour drive away from Banff. 
    I should probably stop this here. All these memories are flowing out of my mind, and the more I write, the harder it is for me to stop. Leaving Banff was probably the most bittersweet of all bittersweet endings I have ever experienced. As I was on the two-hour long shuttle back to the Calgary airport from Banff, I thought about how I was feeling when I was taking the shuttle to Banff on the first day. I remember thinking how the scenery looked so different from where I'm from. I didn't even want to set expectations for Banff or for the people I would eventually meet because I was afraid that I wouldn't meet my expectations. And as I left to the airport, I couldn't believe just how far those expectations exceeded. I wanted to cry that I was leaving, but I was so happy for the memories that I just couldn't. That right there is the definition of bittersweet. 
    I want to relive my Banff experience. I miss waking up to the most wonderful hotel view of Rundle Mountain, or eating right next to a beautiful scenery at the Vistas dining hall. I even miss those darn music huts and random animals that visited Banff Centre. I could probably live without the mosquitos and all of the darn bites I gained though..... but... even those helped mold my experience at Banff.
    Gosh. Why am I such a sentimental person? Because of my sentimentality I know I'll be dwelling in this past for a long time. 
    The worst part is that I don't know when I'll get to see my friends again. I know the ones living around NYC won't be so much of a problem, because I already know I'm going to visit there again soon. But for the others... I don't know. It took me four years to meet Marika again, whom I had no idea was going to be at Banff. For Chelsea, it had been a little over three years. All the other 2008 IIYMers are still lingering on my Facebook. And this might just as well happen for the friends I've met this summer. It sucks. It sucks that you get to bond with them and learn so much about them in such a short amount of time, and then .... we all leave. It's as if everything that happened in Banff was just a dream. When I woke up in my bed the first morning I got back from Banff, I laid there with my eyes open, wondering... was it all really a dream? 
    Banff seriously has a special place in my heart. I am definitely going to apply for next year, but I'm not sure if I'll end up there next summer. I for sure want to have another Banff experience within the next few years.
    I know it's not a good bye for Canada. I'll be back. I just know it.