7. freaking. degrees.

But you know, I shouldn't really be complaining. This is the lowest it's been all winter so far, and there's still no snow on the ground (except that's going to change later this week). Winter last year was also mild, and I don't remember it even going down to single digit temperatures... but my freshman year was a different story. It was probably the last harsh winter that Chicagoans had to face. It was always in the single digit temperatures. If it ever got to the 20's or 30's, we would be considered lucky. I've seen -10 degrees my freshman year, and that's not including wind chills, which Chicago has plenty of. 

Anyhow, we were all pretty miserable with this freezing cold weather. Just walking to MAB only takes me five minutes from my apartment, but by the time I got to MAB, my eyes were burning from the cold wind that it was pretty painful. 

When I look at the nice and sunny 70 degree weather in Socal, my first instinct is to be bitter towards the people who get to have nice and comfy weather. But when I think about it, I would rather have a winter like this... and actually appreciate springtime. I like the fact that we have four, legit seasons, unlike places like Socal and even my hometown, Vegas. The weather may be stupid now,  but once it gets back to the nice temperatures of spring, I know that I will be cherishing each and everyday, especially with how pretty the flowers and trees are when they begin to blossom. That's what I will look forward too... and at least I have something to look forward to. 

7. freaking. degrees.

But you know, I shouldn't really be complaining. This is the lowest it's been all winter so far, and there's still no snow on the ground (except that's going to change later this week). Winter last year was also mild, and I don't remember it even going down to single digit temperatures... but my freshman year was a different story. It was probably the last harsh winter that Chicagoans had to face. It was always in the single digit temperatures. If it ever got to the 20's or 30's, we would be considered lucky. I've seen -10 degrees my freshman year, and that's not including wind chills, which Chicago has plenty of. 

Anyhow, we were all pretty miserable with this freezing cold weather. Just walking to MAB only takes me five minutes from my apartment, but by the time I got to MAB, my eyes were burning from the cold wind that it was pretty painful. 

When I look at the nice and sunny 70 degree weather in Socal, my first instinct is to be bitter towards the people who get to have nice and comfy weather. But when I think about it, I would rather have a winter like this... and actually appreciate springtime. I like the fact that we have four, legit seasons, unlike places like Socal and even my hometown, Vegas. The weather may be stupid now,  but once it gets back to the nice temperatures of spring, I know that I will be cherishing each and everyday, especially with how pretty the flowers and trees are when they begin to blossom. That's what I will look forward too... and at least I have something to look forward to. 

I got third in the East Central division. This is my second time getting third place in this region. And it's my fifth time getting third place total in a regional level MTNA competition.

Five. freaking. times.

Am I always destined to get third at this level?

The other three years that I didn't get third place looked like this:

1. It was my first year, when I was a complete noob, and didn't place at all.

2. It was my second year of doing MTNA, and I didn't even make it out of state because some idiot girl's mom took the judges out to dinner. Oh, and I got third place in the state that year.

3. My best year, in 2009 -- when I competed in two different categories (duet and solo), and I ended up getting first in the nation for duet, and 2nd place in the region for solo. To this date, that was the best I had ever done for solo. And that was junior year of high school..... sigh.

I am actually contemplating taking my third place wins off of my resume because it looks so bad to keep them on now. 

I was really hoping to get to nationals this year, because I promised myself that if I got to nationals, I would stop MTNA for good. Who knows, maybe I'll try again next year.... LOL

I am also annoyed by the fact that I injured three of my fingers from today's competition. These injuries come from the deep cut under my fingernails, usually when when you cut your nails too short. But I swear my nails weren't cut that short -- maybe it's because I practiced Wilde Jagd one too many times. -_- So currently, my fingers are all bandaged up, and I have forbidden myself from practicing this weekend... even though I really want to sightread all the other music that I need to learn for this quarter....

I really don't know what to do about this injury problem that I constantly get. It happens pretty often, especially since Wilde Jagd has been on my program. How am I supposed to handle other technically challenging pieces in the future? 

There is one thing that I got out from competing this year, both in the state and regional level. God has been telling me to not be so judgmental and to focus on my own life. I have this habit of judging other people's skill level when I listen to them perform (after I compete, of course). I listen to them in fear that the judges will not be fair when it comes to giving out prizes. 

However, this year in the state level was the first time I had to compete last. For some reason, in the past, I was always contestant number 1, so I would watch all the other competitors religiously following my performance. And when I found out that I would be performing last, I freaked out a bit. How would I know if the judges are being fair or not if I don't get to listen to the other competitors? But I realize now that I never needed to worry about that. God has a plan for me, and for everyone else. I ended up winning in the state after one of the best performances I have ever had in my life. 

And then from today, since I was contestant number 3 out of five people, I watched the last two in hopes to hear how well they play. In my head, I would try so hard to figure out what place they would get, and what place I should get, etc. In the end, the first and second prize winners were contestants 1 and 2 -- the two people I didn't get to hear. 

God's telling me that it's unnecessary to waste my time and energy in trying to figure out who's going to win and who's not, because it's not even in my power to make the judgment. I know competitions can be very political and unfair, but I know there's gotta be a reason for it all. Maybe God didn't want me to travel to Anaheim for nationals which fall right before finals week of winter quarter (and amidst several other competitions I'm doing that month). Maybe God's telling me I need to practice more, and this would be a wake-up call for me. Whatever it may be, there's just no point in sulking over whatever place I got. Instead, I should be thankful for the third place (even though it's my fifth time...), because the other two contestants I listened to today who didn't end up winning anything were actually really good, too. I should be thankful that I had a pretty solid performance, and that my performing skills are definitely improving rapidly. I no longer get that negative, anxious feeling that I used to get for the past several years. Maybe it's because I love this program this year, but I really feel confident when I play through this program for judges, and other people. For the first time, I truly enjoy the music that I'm creating and actually feel overwhelmed by all the emotions I get from performing. And for the first time, my fingers actually become warm after the first piece! It's truly a miracle, because that's the first time that's ever happened in a performance... ever. It all started since the state competition performance. And now I know how to get warm hands - it takes a lot of focus and a lot of confidence.

So overall, I'm just really happy to see that I'm progressing as a performer, something that I haven't seen in such a long time. My techniques can be a lot better, which is why I couldn't win today. And I'm already feeling motivated to practice even harder. If I can't get these techniques down, I may not even be ready to audition for Juilliard.... which is where I really want to end up for grad school. Aha.

We'll see if I decide to compete again next year. I'm such a stubborn girl. I may as well keep trying until I get to nationals, even if it means losing my dignity as a pianist. -___-

I got third in the East Central division. This is my second time getting third place in this region. And it's my fifth time getting third place total in a regional level MTNA competition.

Five. freaking. times.

Am I always destined to get third at this level?

The other three years that I didn't get third place looked like this:

1. It was my first year, when I was a complete noob, and didn't place at all.

2. It was my second year of doing MTNA, and I didn't even make it out of state because some idiot girl's mom took the judges out to dinner. Oh, and I got third place in the state that year.

3. My best year, in 2009 -- when I competed in two different categories (duet and solo), and I ended up getting first in the nation for duet, and 2nd place in the region for solo. To this date, that was the best I had ever done for solo. And that was junior year of high school..... sigh.

I am actually contemplating taking my third place wins off of my resume because it looks so bad to keep them on now. 

I was really hoping to get to nationals this year, because I promised myself that if I got to nationals, I would stop MTNA for good. Who knows, maybe I'll try again next year.... LOL

I am also annoyed by the fact that I injured three of my fingers from today's competition. These injuries come from the deep cut under my fingernails, usually when when you cut your nails too short. But I swear my nails weren't cut that short -- maybe it's because I practiced Wilde Jagd one too many times. -_- So currently, my fingers are all bandaged up, and I have forbidden myself from practicing this weekend... even though I really want to sightread all the other music that I need to learn for this quarter....

I really don't know what to do about this injury problem that I constantly get. It happens pretty often, especially since Wilde Jagd has been on my program. How am I supposed to handle other technically challenging pieces in the future? 

There is one thing that I got out from competing this year, both in the state and regional level. God has been telling me to not be so judgmental and to focus on my own life. I have this habit of judging other people's skill level when I listen to them perform (after I compete, of course). I listen to them in fear that the judges will not be fair when it comes to giving out prizes. 

However, this year in the state level was the first time I had to compete last. For some reason, in the past, I was always contestant number 1, so I would watch all the other competitors religiously following my performance. And when I found out that I would be performing last, I freaked out a bit. How would I know if the judges are being fair or not if I don't get to listen to the other competitors? But I realize now that I never needed to worry about that. God has a plan for me, and for everyone else. I ended up winning in the state after one of the best performances I have ever had in my life. 

And then from today, since I was contestant number 3 out of five people, I watched the last two in hopes to hear how well they play. In my head, I would try so hard to figure out what place they would get, and what place I should get, etc. In the end, the first and second prize winners were contestants 1 and 2 -- the two people I didn't get to hear. 

God's telling me that it's unnecessary to waste my time and energy in trying to figure out who's going to win and who's not, because it's not even in my power to make the judgment. I know competitions can be very political and unfair, but I know there's gotta be a reason for it all. Maybe God didn't want me to travel to Anaheim for nationals which fall right before finals week of winter quarter (and amidst several other competitions I'm doing that month). Maybe God's telling me I need to practice more, and this would be a wake-up call for me. Whatever it may be, there's just no point in sulking over whatever place I got. Instead, I should be thankful for the third place (even though it's my fifth time...), because the other two contestants I listened to today who didn't end up winning anything were actually really good, too. I should be thankful that I had a pretty solid performance, and that my performing skills are definitely improving rapidly. I no longer get that negative, anxious feeling that I used to get for the past several years. Maybe it's because I love this program this year, but I really feel confident when I play through this program for judges, and other people. For the first time, I truly enjoy the music that I'm creating and actually feel overwhelmed by all the emotions I get from performing. And for the first time, my fingers actually become warm after the first piece! It's truly a miracle, because that's the first time that's ever happened in a performance... ever. It all started since the state competition performance. And now I know how to get warm hands - it takes a lot of focus and a lot of confidence.

So overall, I'm just really happy to see that I'm progressing as a performer, something that I haven't seen in such a long time. My techniques can be a lot better, which is why I couldn't win today. And I'm already feeling motivated to practice even harder. If I can't get these techniques down, I may not even be ready to audition for Juilliard.... which is where I really want to end up for grad school. Aha.

We'll see if I decide to compete again next year. I'm such a stubborn girl. I may as well keep trying until I get to nationals, even if it means losing my dignity as a pianist. -___-