I've been back home for about a week now. It feels so awesome to just bum around and not do anything. I've been driving a lot, playing games, watching anime, anddddd not really practicing piano. 
It's okay. I'll get back on track with piano soon... hopefully this week.
Anyhow, the week before I came back home, I was in Cedarville, Michigan for a week long InterVarsity retreat at Cedar Campus. I didn't go last year because I didn't know where I stood with the InterVarsity group on campus and I wasn't quite understanding where I was with God. But I knew this was the year to go, especially since I will be the keyboardist on the worship team this fall.
The drive there took about 8-9 hours, including all of the stops we made for pit stop and food. In my car was Stephanie, Sky, Xinya, and Esther. Sky drove for the first two hours, and at our first stop, I asked if I could drive, and he let me. I was so happy to be driving long distance! I drove for about three hours, all the way to the mid-northern part of Michigan. After stopping for lunch one last time, Xinya asked if she could drive, so she drove the whole way to Cedarville. The bridge connecting mainland Michigan and the U.P. (Upper Peninsula) was breathtaking. I had no idea what the geography of Michigan was like until I finally got to drive across the entire state. It was quite interesting.
We arrived at Cedar Campus around 5:30 PM; we got checked in and got our rooms. I was introduced to all of their customs, like carpetball, which is a really fun and addicting game right outside the Willoughby Lodge. It's like a hybrid game consisting of pool balls and the skills you use to play when you go bowling and when you play air hockey. Haha. During meal times, there are more traditions. There's a collections of different kinds of mugs that we used to drink our beverages with. Also, we all stack our plates and utensils together in the table before we bring it up for the dishers to wash them.
Now regarding to the different aspects of Chapter Focus Week:
Worship - Almost every night there was a worship and expository session. I signed up to play the keyboard, and so I received an email prior to coming to Cedar Campus that I would be playing on Monday and Thursday. I was not sure what compelled me to sign up, I swear God was pushing me to do it. As we were rehearsing during our free time on Monday, I started to feel overwhelmed. I began to worry like how I used to when I played for the worship team. Some of the chords weren't completely written out so I was doing transpositions in my head as they were changing keys. I was afraid I wasn't getting the right style. And so and so forth. And later, I found out that Ryan Mercer, the guy in charge of the worship team and the other official keyboardist, would be dropping out on Monday so that I can play by myself. Then I really felt insecure, especially since I was going to be playing for over 200 students. I asked God to just provide me with confidence and that I can use my talents to be able to worship him without any worries....
That night, when it was time for the worship team to play, all my worries and fears were really cast aside. For once, I felt confident about what I was doing. And above all, I felt like I was truly worshipping God through my talents. It was such a surreal feeling, especially because I had never felt that before when I had to play the keyboard previously. After the Monday session was over, I felt this newfound excitement to play for the worship team. I laughed to myself, "Why did I ever worry about playing for the worship team? It's not like people are focusing on ME, like they would if I was playing classical piano. These people are listening to our music so they can use that to worship God. So they are focusing on God, above all... through our music. After I realized this, I knew that I finally found the key answer that will lead me to an amazing start to my junior year as a worship team member.
Retreat of Silence - This was on Sunday, the day after we had arrived Cedar Campus. Retreat of Silence is a 2-3 hour period where we are not allowed to talk to anyone, except to God. It is our "date" with God - we can take a walk around the beautiful campus, spend time with the Word, or even take a short nap, haha. I never experienced one, and to my surprise (or not?), it was a lot harder to manage my time in those few hours. I found myself walking around aimlessly until I found a really nice rock to eat my lunch on. It had an awesome view of the lake. I tried reading the Bible and doing a bit of QT but I found myself taking a nap on the rock. -__- By the time I woke up half an hour later, I my thighs were sunburnt. GG. I also got dizzy from being out in the sun so much that I went back inside the Lodge where I was sleeping and took an actual nap on my bunk bed. I felt guilty that I wasn't able to use my time better with God, but now I know what to expect the next time I have something like that.
Track Time (reDefine Reality) - I swear my track was one of the best at Cedar. First of all, I knew I was going to like my track when I saw who were in my track. There was a good chunk of AAIV Northwestern students taking the same track, and even my friend Jeff Son from UChicago's AAIV was there. And it wasn't hard to get to know everyone else in the track. The people in reDefine Reality were TIGHT.
We started off with a really interesting activity. We were out on the field, and our staff told us we would be running a race. Of course, it was not any ordinary race. We were given statements, and if they applied to us, we were to either take a step forward or a step back. When they had finished with all of the statements, where ever we were in the field was where we would run our race to the finish line from. By the kinds of questions we were asked, we were able to see where this would turn into.
"If you are Asian, please take a one step back."
"If you are Latino, please take two steps back."
"And if you are African-American, please take three steps back."
By the end of all of the statements, it turned out that all of the white males were furthest ahead, and the Latino and African-American women were still around the original starting line. It was interesting how the race turned out. Of course the men in the front won the race. The people in the back didn't even want to try. We looked around to see where everyone stood, but we only cared about ourselves to finish the race. All because the winning prize would mean that you get Reese's candy.
As we were discussing what happened, no one was too thrilled about the activity because it made us realize that some of us are "weaker" than others not because of our skills and talents but because of the kinds of family we were born into. One of the African-American girls on our track, who was furthest from the finish line before running race, actually began crying in frustration and she expressed how much she hated the activity. "You know, I consider myself a pretty decent runner. I KNOW that if I was somewhere in the middle of the field, I would've been able to outrun everyone. But because I was dead last, there was no hope. It was useless for me to run."
So for the next few days, we engaged ourselves in topics about power, whether we are abusing some of the powers we have or not, or even just realizing that we actually do have power (for me, I didn't quite see that being the oldest child meant that you had power, and I for sure was abusing that.). We discussed about how God created this world and called it "very good" (Genesis 1). But from all the sins and brokenness in the world, the beautiful things can be destroyed and we can feel very helpless, confused, and frustrated.
There was one activity we did where we were able to experience that. In our own small groups (Jeff and the kids awww yeahhhhh), we were supposed to create something that reflected to how beautiful Cedar Campus is. Other tables did watercolor painting, others drew, and some used their musical talents. Our table took the lyrics from one simple worship song and changed it so that it described how amazing Cedar is. There was even an old piano there so Sooky and I, the two piano majors, accompanied the rest of the table as they sung. There was one other table that also did something similar as us, but they went overboard. We all unanimously voted them to go last, as best for last. Kathy Hong, the director of Chapter Focus Week, stopped by to lead this activity.
When we were all done preparing, we all had to share what we did. We decided to go first, and we were all so proud of our new little song that we created. Except, Kathy blatantly remarked, "Well.... that was kind of lame." We were all shocked by her comment. Was she being serious? Maybe it's because of our lyrics, she could have found something offensive to her that we thought was funny.... Then we saw other tables present their artwork, and she nodded in acceptance. Maybe she just really hated our table.... Then before the final group went, one of our staffworkers shared her collage that she made, and told us a heartfelt story behind the artwork. She then handed it over to Kathy, who then began to rip it up into many pieces. The whole room fell silent. We just... didn't understand. And I don't know about anyone else, but I suddenly got frustrated. What's wrong with her??? We put in so much effort and she's being downright rude... And as she was ripping up the staffworker's artwork, she then said to the final group, "Oh by the way. We don't have time for you guys to present. (pause) Yeah, I'm not kidding, we need to move on as we are slightly behind schedule." I felt the pain that the final group was feeling. They put in SO much work into creating this presentation! I felt so bad for them. Finally, the staffworker spoke up and explained why this had all happened. It was supposed to be a small representation of what happens when something beautiful becomes destroyed. Like the beautifully structured Twin Towers that had fallen to its death along with thousands and thousands of other people during 9/11.
So finally, the staffworkers explained to us that the brokenness doesn't stop there. We have Jesus who we can trust and rely on to restore the good things. We don't have to continue being frustrated and depressed, for there is something much better than this world. Revelations 21 in the Bible spoke about a Holy City, where all those who believe in Him will get to live eternally. It's a beautiful place, for a lack of a better word, and it will always stay beautiful. There will be no more brokenness.
And for us, that begins with us being aware of the brokenness, regarding to race, gender, sexual orientation, power, and more. It begins with how we can help.
On the last day of our tracks, we had one final activity. They brought us out to the field again. We all knew what we were getting ourselves into. It was the same race again. We all lined up, and had to follow the same statements again. We were all nervous of what the outcome would be this time around. But to our surprise, one of the white male that won the race at the beginning of the week, actually linked hands with the girls who were at the end of the race previously. They broke the system. The entire linked group stepped forward for every time it benefitted the white male. And of course, he even stepped back when one person had to. Everyone else noticed the chained group and what they were doing. I could tell everyone was thinking about what we should actually be doing. Finally, when the statements had ended, everyone decided to link hands, no matter where we were standing. We formed one big chain, and when the staffworker yelled, "On your mark, get set, Go!"... no one ran. We all decided to walk, confidently, and together, to the finish line. Not one person was left behind. It was truly a beautiful way to end our track. Everyone was so happy by the efforts we put into breaking the system that we once thought we had to strictly follow. We stopped being selfish and helped others in need of help. Those with power began to use it to help out others. And because of that, everyone had an opportunity to "finish the race." No one felt helpless.
Yeah. Simply put, I really loved my track. 
I got a lot out of it.
SICK - So for the latter half of the week, I became really sick. I caught the whole package - sinus, flu, cold, and sore throat. On Tuesday, I got so sick that I skipped out Chapter time, which was held every night from 10PM-midnight. The next day, I decided to get as much rest as possible, so I slept during free time, and that night, skipped out on worship and exposition and chapter time. I ended up getting 14 hours of sleep that day/night. Also, I'm usually a heavy sleeper, but for some reason, I couldn't sleep half the time because the girls in my room were talking and the lights were always on. Which is weird... because I'm usually never affected by light or sound when I sleep. I felt sad that I was wasting my time in bed, but I knew that I didn't want to travel back home being sick either. Thankfully, I put every bit of my energy into going to track time, so I didn't miss out on any of that. By the last day, I finally felt a lot better. Sinus and flu was gone, but I was still sniffling here and there. I was able to go kayaking that day. And I was so thankful for the friends who helped me by giving me medicine because I didn't have any. Although I did experience painful landings on my flights back home, I was well enough to get back home safely.
Cookout - The cookout for all Cedar students was out on this beach. It was very relaxing. Then a bunch of guys decided to play beach volleyball, and it soon became a Uchicago vs. Northwestern game. A lot of spirited Northwestern and Uchicago kids started to root for their own school. It became a huge thing! Each school started doing chants and traditions that we would normally do at our football games. I have never been so spirited for my school before until this game. It was so exciting to watch, which is a first because I never get excited watching a sport.
Narnia Trail - One of the biggest traditions at Cedar Campus is to hike the Narnia Trail. Just to get to the start of the trail is a half mile walk. The trail itself was alright, but I had people like Henry Shin to talk to. At the end of the trail was a bunch of humungous rocks that we climbed on. A bunch of the AAIV people that went together took a picture on that rock, and apparently they do this every year; it's become a Northwestern tradition. On the walk back, I went back by myself because everyone was taking so long. I ended up calling my sister who kept me company on my walk back.
Originally, I wasn't going to go on the Narnia Trail because I felt like my body would get worse from the sickness if I went. It was also pretty cold outside, but thankfully as we were on the trail, it warmed up a bit.
AAIV Chapter Time Campfire - The campfire was the last thing on the agenda at Cedar. We went back to the same beach as the cookout and Phil was in charge of starting the fire (since he is, our only nature man). During the campfire, each of the men of AAIV was supposed to paint a rock for a girl of the same year in AAIV. It switches every year, so next year it would be the girls' turn to the same for the boys. The person that gave me a rock was Rich Chang, which I wasn't quite so shocked by. During Cedar, he told me that he was the one who recommended me for the worship team position. I think it's quite an awesome tradition to paint rocks for each other. I really felt like at least one person in AAIV sincerely cared for me and my well-being. The exchange of rocks took forever, and finally, at the end, we sang one fun worship song, with David Lee on the guitar (who played the guitar for our track time and previous chapter times as well). It was such a fun way to end the night, and end my overall experience at Cedar.
Secret Cedar - Another tradition was Secret Cedar. In the beginning of the week, we pull a name out of a hat and the name we pull out is the person we have to do something for. My Secret Cedar was Amanda Cheng, but I was too sick to do anything for her unfortunately. 
The person who had me was Henry Shin, which I was also not surprised by. Throughout the week, he put in the effort to talk to me whenever he could, especially during the Narnia Trail. It may or may not have been because of the Secret Cedar, but I believe it was also out of Henry's kindness and caring personality that he would put in the effort to talk to me (and every other individual) at Cedar. But what I did NOT expect at all was that he ended up buying me a book and left it on my bed. I had no idea it was for me. I actually thought it was Suzie's book (she was the person who slept on the bunk above mine) and that she accidentally left it on my bed, so I put it back on her bed. Some time in the night, we were on the topic of Secret Cedar, and Suzie asked me, "Hey did you get that book from your Secret Cedar?" And that's when I realize that the book was indeed for me, haha. Henry left me with this message on the inside of the book:
"Tis Fate, Fair Juliet, That I shalt be thine Secret Cedar.
It has been great talking to you this week and getting to hear how God has impacted you this past year. I wish I could have made you not sick, but as I wasn't a doctor yet, I've been praying for your health. I hope this book is able to encourage you to desire and seek a consistent relationship w/ God in order to reach out to your friends at home and your family.
Good luck in your practicing, and hope you come back ready to serve and seek God.
-Henry Shin"
Hahaha... for some reason, Henry and I ALWAYS get picked for something in AAIV. There were three instances when we played Mafia together in AAIV that we were chosen as Romeo and Juliet. Basically, if one person dies in game, the other person must die with him/her. The first time this happened the beginning of my freshman year, I was trolling and I wanted to be out as fast as possible because I didn't want to play Mafia any longer. So, after being an annoyance to the Mafia, they finally killed me, and little did I know that my Romeo, Henry, had to die with me as well. It was funny thinking back because Henry loves to play Mafia and he can get serious about it, and for me to accidentally kill him off so early into the game... and thus, that was how our friendship formed. So it's quite funny that he makes that subtle reference in that message inside the book... haha.
Our car, the same people I came to Cedar with, was the first to leave at 6 in the morning on Friday. We had to leave early because of my flight that night and because Sky had a training session that day. Stephanie ended up driving about 3/4's of the way, which is crazy so major props to her. By the time we got back to Evanston, all the Northwestern graduates wearing their purple gowns were flooding the streets. After being back in Evanston for an hour, I immediately took a taxi to O'hare and flew home. Except the travel back home was unexpectedly frustrating, which is a different story to tell for another time.
It's not like this post is long enough already.
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