It was for Intro to Psych. When people were explaining to me how difficult my professor's tests were, they really were not kidding.... I knew I didn't do so well, but I actually got a grade worse than I had imagined.  

I ended up getting a 75% on my midterm.... after the curve. Sigh. 

I still have two more midterms left. And I know it's not going to get any easier for me. The next midterm will be one that I have to make-up because I'll be in NYC during that time. And the final midterm (which is technically our final exam) is on the day after my birthday.... lovely. 

I know many people at Northwestern can just study a few days before the midterm and do relatively fine, but since I'm so rusty at studying, I need to start way earlier. And I'm so used to taking exams where I just had to memorize facts, but I'd say more than 3/4's of the questions were all application-based, which is what I struggle with the most. Of course, college exams would be so different from high school ones. I can't believe it's been more than three years since my last scantron, multiple-choice exam. I've always been pretty good about tests growing up in school, but it's so weird that now that I'm focusing on piano only now, my academics are slowly going down, and going away...

I'm taking this class for fun, actually. I already filled up my Social Science distribution requirement a long time ago, but I've always been interested in psychology and I wanted to take this course since it's such a popular course at Northwestern. I'm also taking it to prove to myself that I do belong at NU academically... and not just as a music student. It's just so hard to study nowadays because I have my complete focus on music now, and I spend a lot of time working now. In high school, my focus on both academics and piano was pretty even, I would say. 

I'm just feeling a bit down about it especially because this is mainly a freshman course. Out of about 300 students, I did below average, which was an 82% after the curve. I was also one of the very last people to finish the exam last Monday. Getting bad grades on tests are also something I'm not used to, especially since I was a salutatorian of my high school and I've always had straight A's growing up. I don't know why I even care so much about my psych grade when it's not even going to matter to me and getting into grad school anyway. haha. 

Okay, enough about the past. I gotta learn to move on and suck it up, and be better prepared for the next one now that I'm back on track academically. 

LET'S DO THIS

It was for Intro to Psych. When people were explaining to me how difficult my professor's tests were, they really were not kidding.... I knew I didn't do so well, but I actually got a grade worse than I had imagined.  

I ended up getting a 75% on my midterm.... after the curve. Sigh. 

I still have two more midterms left. And I know it's not going to get any easier for me. The next midterm will be one that I have to make-up because I'll be in NYC during that time. And the final midterm (which is technically our final exam) is on the day after my birthday.... lovely. 

I know many people at Northwestern can just study a few days before the midterm and do relatively fine, but since I'm so rusty at studying, I need to start way earlier. And I'm so used to taking exams where I just had to memorize facts, but I'd say more than 3/4's of the questions were all application-based, which is what I struggle with the most. Of course, college exams would be so different from high school ones. I can't believe it's been more than three years since my last scantron, multiple-choice exam. I've always been pretty good about tests growing up in school, but it's so weird that now that I'm focusing on piano only now, my academics are slowly going down, and going away...

I'm taking this class for fun, actually. I already filled up my Social Science distribution requirement a long time ago, but I've always been interested in psychology and I wanted to take this course since it's such a popular course at Northwestern. I'm also taking it to prove to myself that I do belong at NU academically... and not just as a music student. It's just so hard to study nowadays because I have my complete focus on music now, and I spend a lot of time working now. In high school, my focus on both academics and piano was pretty even, I would say. 

I'm just feeling a bit down about it especially because this is mainly a freshman course. Out of about 300 students, I did below average, which was an 82% after the curve. I was also one of the very last people to finish the exam last Monday. Getting bad grades on tests are also something I'm not used to, especially since I was a salutatorian of my high school and I've always had straight A's growing up. I don't know why I even care so much about my psych grade when it's not even going to matter to me and getting into grad school anyway. haha. 

Okay, enough about the past. I gotta learn to move on and suck it up, and be better prepared for the next one now that I'm back on track academically. 

LET'S DO THIS

7. freaking. degrees.

But you know, I shouldn't really be complaining. This is the lowest it's been all winter so far, and there's still no snow on the ground (except that's going to change later this week). Winter last year was also mild, and I don't remember it even going down to single digit temperatures... but my freshman year was a different story. It was probably the last harsh winter that Chicagoans had to face. It was always in the single digit temperatures. If it ever got to the 20's or 30's, we would be considered lucky. I've seen -10 degrees my freshman year, and that's not including wind chills, which Chicago has plenty of. 

Anyhow, we were all pretty miserable with this freezing cold weather. Just walking to MAB only takes me five minutes from my apartment, but by the time I got to MAB, my eyes were burning from the cold wind that it was pretty painful. 

When I look at the nice and sunny 70 degree weather in Socal, my first instinct is to be bitter towards the people who get to have nice and comfy weather. But when I think about it, I would rather have a winter like this... and actually appreciate springtime. I like the fact that we have four, legit seasons, unlike places like Socal and even my hometown, Vegas. The weather may be stupid now,  but once it gets back to the nice temperatures of spring, I know that I will be cherishing each and everyday, especially with how pretty the flowers and trees are when they begin to blossom. That's what I will look forward too... and at least I have something to look forward to. 

7. freaking. degrees.

But you know, I shouldn't really be complaining. This is the lowest it's been all winter so far, and there's still no snow on the ground (except that's going to change later this week). Winter last year was also mild, and I don't remember it even going down to single digit temperatures... but my freshman year was a different story. It was probably the last harsh winter that Chicagoans had to face. It was always in the single digit temperatures. If it ever got to the 20's or 30's, we would be considered lucky. I've seen -10 degrees my freshman year, and that's not including wind chills, which Chicago has plenty of. 

Anyhow, we were all pretty miserable with this freezing cold weather. Just walking to MAB only takes me five minutes from my apartment, but by the time I got to MAB, my eyes were burning from the cold wind that it was pretty painful. 

When I look at the nice and sunny 70 degree weather in Socal, my first instinct is to be bitter towards the people who get to have nice and comfy weather. But when I think about it, I would rather have a winter like this... and actually appreciate springtime. I like the fact that we have four, legit seasons, unlike places like Socal and even my hometown, Vegas. The weather may be stupid now,  but once it gets back to the nice temperatures of spring, I know that I will be cherishing each and everyday, especially with how pretty the flowers and trees are when they begin to blossom. That's what I will look forward too... and at least I have something to look forward to. 

I got third in the East Central division. This is my second time getting third place in this region. And it's my fifth time getting third place total in a regional level MTNA competition.

Five. freaking. times.

Am I always destined to get third at this level?

The other three years that I didn't get third place looked like this:

1. It was my first year, when I was a complete noob, and didn't place at all.

2. It was my second year of doing MTNA, and I didn't even make it out of state because some idiot girl's mom took the judges out to dinner. Oh, and I got third place in the state that year.

3. My best year, in 2009 -- when I competed in two different categories (duet and solo), and I ended up getting first in the nation for duet, and 2nd place in the region for solo. To this date, that was the best I had ever done for solo. And that was junior year of high school..... sigh.

I am actually contemplating taking my third place wins off of my resume because it looks so bad to keep them on now. 

I was really hoping to get to nationals this year, because I promised myself that if I got to nationals, I would stop MTNA for good. Who knows, maybe I'll try again next year.... LOL

I am also annoyed by the fact that I injured three of my fingers from today's competition. These injuries come from the deep cut under my fingernails, usually when when you cut your nails too short. But I swear my nails weren't cut that short -- maybe it's because I practiced Wilde Jagd one too many times. -_- So currently, my fingers are all bandaged up, and I have forbidden myself from practicing this weekend... even though I really want to sightread all the other music that I need to learn for this quarter....

I really don't know what to do about this injury problem that I constantly get. It happens pretty often, especially since Wilde Jagd has been on my program. How am I supposed to handle other technically challenging pieces in the future? 

There is one thing that I got out from competing this year, both in the state and regional level. God has been telling me to not be so judgmental and to focus on my own life. I have this habit of judging other people's skill level when I listen to them perform (after I compete, of course). I listen to them in fear that the judges will not be fair when it comes to giving out prizes. 

However, this year in the state level was the first time I had to compete last. For some reason, in the past, I was always contestant number 1, so I would watch all the other competitors religiously following my performance. And when I found out that I would be performing last, I freaked out a bit. How would I know if the judges are being fair or not if I don't get to listen to the other competitors? But I realize now that I never needed to worry about that. God has a plan for me, and for everyone else. I ended up winning in the state after one of the best performances I have ever had in my life. 

And then from today, since I was contestant number 3 out of five people, I watched the last two in hopes to hear how well they play. In my head, I would try so hard to figure out what place they would get, and what place I should get, etc. In the end, the first and second prize winners were contestants 1 and 2 -- the two people I didn't get to hear. 

God's telling me that it's unnecessary to waste my time and energy in trying to figure out who's going to win and who's not, because it's not even in my power to make the judgment. I know competitions can be very political and unfair, but I know there's gotta be a reason for it all. Maybe God didn't want me to travel to Anaheim for nationals which fall right before finals week of winter quarter (and amidst several other competitions I'm doing that month). Maybe God's telling me I need to practice more, and this would be a wake-up call for me. Whatever it may be, there's just no point in sulking over whatever place I got. Instead, I should be thankful for the third place (even though it's my fifth time...), because the other two contestants I listened to today who didn't end up winning anything were actually really good, too. I should be thankful that I had a pretty solid performance, and that my performing skills are definitely improving rapidly. I no longer get that negative, anxious feeling that I used to get for the past several years. Maybe it's because I love this program this year, but I really feel confident when I play through this program for judges, and other people. For the first time, I truly enjoy the music that I'm creating and actually feel overwhelmed by all the emotions I get from performing. And for the first time, my fingers actually become warm after the first piece! It's truly a miracle, because that's the first time that's ever happened in a performance... ever. It all started since the state competition performance. And now I know how to get warm hands - it takes a lot of focus and a lot of confidence.

So overall, I'm just really happy to see that I'm progressing as a performer, something that I haven't seen in such a long time. My techniques can be a lot better, which is why I couldn't win today. And I'm already feeling motivated to practice even harder. If I can't get these techniques down, I may not even be ready to audition for Juilliard.... which is where I really want to end up for grad school. Aha.

We'll see if I decide to compete again next year. I'm such a stubborn girl. I may as well keep trying until I get to nationals, even if it means losing my dignity as a pianist. -___-

I got third in the East Central division. This is my second time getting third place in this region. And it's my fifth time getting third place total in a regional level MTNA competition.

Five. freaking. times.

Am I always destined to get third at this level?

The other three years that I didn't get third place looked like this:

1. It was my first year, when I was a complete noob, and didn't place at all.

2. It was my second year of doing MTNA, and I didn't even make it out of state because some idiot girl's mom took the judges out to dinner. Oh, and I got third place in the state that year.

3. My best year, in 2009 -- when I competed in two different categories (duet and solo), and I ended up getting first in the nation for duet, and 2nd place in the region for solo. To this date, that was the best I had ever done for solo. And that was junior year of high school..... sigh.

I am actually contemplating taking my third place wins off of my resume because it looks so bad to keep them on now. 

I was really hoping to get to nationals this year, because I promised myself that if I got to nationals, I would stop MTNA for good. Who knows, maybe I'll try again next year.... LOL

I am also annoyed by the fact that I injured three of my fingers from today's competition. These injuries come from the deep cut under my fingernails, usually when when you cut your nails too short. But I swear my nails weren't cut that short -- maybe it's because I practiced Wilde Jagd one too many times. -_- So currently, my fingers are all bandaged up, and I have forbidden myself from practicing this weekend... even though I really want to sightread all the other music that I need to learn for this quarter....

I really don't know what to do about this injury problem that I constantly get. It happens pretty often, especially since Wilde Jagd has been on my program. How am I supposed to handle other technically challenging pieces in the future? 

There is one thing that I got out from competing this year, both in the state and regional level. God has been telling me to not be so judgmental and to focus on my own life. I have this habit of judging other people's skill level when I listen to them perform (after I compete, of course). I listen to them in fear that the judges will not be fair when it comes to giving out prizes. 

However, this year in the state level was the first time I had to compete last. For some reason, in the past, I was always contestant number 1, so I would watch all the other competitors religiously following my performance. And when I found out that I would be performing last, I freaked out a bit. How would I know if the judges are being fair or not if I don't get to listen to the other competitors? But I realize now that I never needed to worry about that. God has a plan for me, and for everyone else. I ended up winning in the state after one of the best performances I have ever had in my life. 

And then from today, since I was contestant number 3 out of five people, I watched the last two in hopes to hear how well they play. In my head, I would try so hard to figure out what place they would get, and what place I should get, etc. In the end, the first and second prize winners were contestants 1 and 2 -- the two people I didn't get to hear. 

God's telling me that it's unnecessary to waste my time and energy in trying to figure out who's going to win and who's not, because it's not even in my power to make the judgment. I know competitions can be very political and unfair, but I know there's gotta be a reason for it all. Maybe God didn't want me to travel to Anaheim for nationals which fall right before finals week of winter quarter (and amidst several other competitions I'm doing that month). Maybe God's telling me I need to practice more, and this would be a wake-up call for me. Whatever it may be, there's just no point in sulking over whatever place I got. Instead, I should be thankful for the third place (even though it's my fifth time...), because the other two contestants I listened to today who didn't end up winning anything were actually really good, too. I should be thankful that I had a pretty solid performance, and that my performing skills are definitely improving rapidly. I no longer get that negative, anxious feeling that I used to get for the past several years. Maybe it's because I love this program this year, but I really feel confident when I play through this program for judges, and other people. For the first time, I truly enjoy the music that I'm creating and actually feel overwhelmed by all the emotions I get from performing. And for the first time, my fingers actually become warm after the first piece! It's truly a miracle, because that's the first time that's ever happened in a performance... ever. It all started since the state competition performance. And now I know how to get warm hands - it takes a lot of focus and a lot of confidence.

So overall, I'm just really happy to see that I'm progressing as a performer, something that I haven't seen in such a long time. My techniques can be a lot better, which is why I couldn't win today. And I'm already feeling motivated to practice even harder. If I can't get these techniques down, I may not even be ready to audition for Juilliard.... which is where I really want to end up for grad school. Aha.

We'll see if I decide to compete again next year. I'm such a stubborn girl. I may as well keep trying until I get to nationals, even if it means losing my dignity as a pianist. -___-

I started out with something minor, just a dry cough that lasted for almost two weeks. I still have it here and there but it's pretty much almost gone by now. It was really bad when I was in NY unfortunately, but thankfully the real sickness didn't hit until after I got back.

It's kind of crazy, the timing of when I got sick. I had a performance at the Cultural Center this past Monday and it went amazingly well. It wasn't until that night that I started to get really sick. On Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling extremely cold. I figured it was because my covers are not thick at all. So I actually threw on my extremely warm set of covers that I never used ever since I got into college. I also had lots of stomach aches that started actually the night before. I was supposed to get up for class at 9:30 AM, and I knew I had to go because I had a paper to turn in... but I just couldn't get out of bed. I was so miserably cold, and I had some bad body aches going on. 

After a while, I told myself I was going to get work done especially since I decided not to go to class. But after eating breakfast and not feeling good about eating that, I decided that I was going to go back to bed. At this point I was still in denial about being sick. I had Pedagogy class at 1 PM that I was supposed to go to (since it's only once a week and participation is important) since I had more homework to turn in. But I was feeling so horrible that I couldn't even make it to that.

I finally got some Dayquil pills from my roommate and slept even through studio class. I officially missed all of my classes for the day. By the time I got back up around 4:30 PM, I was feeling a lot better. The body aches were almost gone and I felt a lot lighter. I couldn't believe that I had been in bed for 16 hours before finally starting my day. By then, I had enough energy to go to work, attend my worship team meeting and have a rehearsal. I finally got back home by 11 PM that night. 

And then hell began. I had to start AND finish my 7-8 page paper for my English class by the next day at 10 AM. The one time I decided to procrastinate was probably not the smartest time to do so. By that hour of the night, the medicine was wearing off and I could feel my body start to deteriorate by the minute. I got about 3-4 pages done and decided to reward myself by getting a bit of sleep. That night I got about 4 hours of sleep before I had to wake up to finish my paper. 30 minutes before the deadline, I got in 6 pages, and by then I called it quits. It was only a first draft, so why was I even bother trying so hard? I submitted it and then crashed for another hour before having to go to my English class at 11 AM. 

I still wasn't feeling well, but I knew that I had to go to class because today was going to be all about peer reviewing. I also missed three consecutive English classes because of NY and my Cultural Center recital and I just had a feeling that she would be very annoyed with me if I missed another one. My stomach was acting up again in class and I just wanted to leave so badly. I couldn't believe I had survived.

Afterwards, I don't know why I agreed to do this, but I had to play for someone's voice lesson for half an hour. My stomach was in so much pain. After that, I went to CVS to buy some Pepto Bismol to help alleviate the pain. I took some and then tried to take a nap. 

I hadn't slept very much when I realized I was doing something very terrible. I was scratching a LOT, everywhere. Everywhere just felt so itchy! And then my ears especially got itchy, and at one point, my ears became so burning hot. I was worried because I knew this couldn't be normal. I threw off the covers and dashed to the bathroom and realized I had red bumps all over my body. 

....what. 

I'm pretty sure it couldn't be the chicken pox, since I got that vaccinated as a child. So what exactly is this?! My entire stomach and back was completely red, and my arms and legs were beginning turn that color as well. My ears were bright red and my face was beginning to be covered in small, red bumps. I was getting so paranoid and freaked out that I called my parents. I hardly ask my parents for help since I can usually find help faster by other means. I felt so helpless at that point, and my parents told me to go to the university's health center or nearby hospital. She assumed it to be food poisoning, since I described her the constant stomach pains I had been having since Monday night. 

After a bit of hesitation, I finally called the Searle Health Center and told me to drop by ASAP. So I had to walk all the way there, feeling horribly itchy and with a painful stomachache, and finally got it checked out. I was given Zyrtex and Benadryl to help alleviate the itchiness, even though they would cause drowsiness. I also was given a special prescription after they diagnosed the sickness. I'm still taking these medicines to this day... I feel like such a druggie. haha.

I was told to take the medicine right away. Again, thanks to great timing, Wednesdays were one of the only days in the week that I do not work, and even though I had Pedagogy again, I could care less about going to class at that point. I had a completely free evening, and so I spent it all on sleeping. by 6 PM, I became super, super drowsy, but oh man, my body felt so good. All the itchiness went away so quickly and I was so amazed by the power of medicine.

I woke up around 8:30 PM because I got hungry. I asked my roommate to buy bananas for me because I had been put under a strict diet. No fruits or vegetables (except for bananas), no fried foods, no spicy foods. I can only eat rice, fish, cooked turkey/chicken, hard-boiled eggs, chicken broth, and just a few more. I actually lost quite some weight.. about 7 pounds, for not eating a lot and because of the diet. I have never dropped that much weight in such a little period of time... it was almost scary haha.

After the banana, I decided that I was going back to sleep. I was still so drowsy even when I was awake. I fell in a deep sleep again and didn't wake up until 1 AM. By then I was wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep. It took me two hours, but I was finally able to go back to sleep (after taking a second round of medicine). 

Thursday was the first day I was finally alive and got lots of stuff accomplished. I started my day at 8:30 AM, and I was completely booked until 9:30 PM. Class, coachings, piano lesson, work, rehearsals, watching three recitals, and I even ran across campus (for a legitimate reason). I think I'm crazy.

By Friday, the red bumps had lessened but some were still there. I haven't felt the need itch since Wednesday though, so that's some progress. My stomach also stopped sending me sharp pains. My stomach only felt queasy here and there and felt weak from not getting to eat enough food on a daily basis. 

Saturday, today, was probably the most insane day for me while still being sick. I ran a 5k in 24:09 minutes (which is four seconds behind my personal record from high school four years ago... wow), performed in a chamber recital, worked for three hours, and now I'm here. About to pass out from exhaustion. I still can't believe I actually ran a 5k perfectly knowing that my stomach was not completely ready to handle such a strenuous activity as that. I almost died by the time I got to the finish line, but after seeing how fast I ran it, I was really, really proud of myself. And I'm also really, really crazy. But I guess that's just who I am.

Above all, I just am so thankful that my God takes care of me so well. This was probably the most perfect time to be sick. It wasn't during NY, or during my Cultural Center performance, and I got better in time for the race and chamber recital. Besides the paper, I had absolutely no other homework. I'm so thankful for everyone's prayers and thoughtfulness throughout this week. I'm thankful that it wasn't anything too serious. I am just so thankful that I am finally feeling alive. As much as a I love sleeping.... I think there really is such thing as too much.

I started out with something minor, just a dry cough that lasted for almost two weeks. I still have it here and there but it's pretty much almost gone by now. It was really bad when I was in NY unfortunately, but thankfully the real sickness didn't hit until after I got back.

It's kind of crazy, the timing of when I got sick. I had a performance at the Cultural Center this past Monday and it went amazingly well. It wasn't until that night that I started to get really sick. On Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling extremely cold. I figured it was because my covers are not thick at all. So I actually threw on my extremely warm set of covers that I never used ever since I got into college. I also had lots of stomach aches that started actually the night before. I was supposed to get up for class at 9:30 AM, and I knew I had to go because I had a paper to turn in... but I just couldn't get out of bed. I was so miserably cold, and I had some bad body aches going on. 

After a while, I told myself I was going to get work done especially since I decided not to go to class. But after eating breakfast and not feeling good about eating that, I decided that I was going to go back to bed. At this point I was still in denial about being sick. I had Pedagogy class at 1 PM that I was supposed to go to (since it's only once a week and participation is important) since I had more homework to turn in. But I was feeling so horrible that I couldn't even make it to that.

I finally got some Dayquil pills from my roommate and slept even through studio class. I officially missed all of my classes for the day. By the time I got back up around 4:30 PM, I was feeling a lot better. The body aches were almost gone and I felt a lot lighter. I couldn't believe that I had been in bed for 16 hours before finally starting my day. By then, I had enough energy to go to work, attend my worship team meeting and have a rehearsal. I finally got back home by 11 PM that night. 

And then hell began. I had to start AND finish my 7-8 page paper for my English class by the next day at 10 AM. The one time I decided to procrastinate was probably not the smartest time to do so. By that hour of the night, the medicine was wearing off and I could feel my body start to deteriorate by the minute. I got about 3-4 pages done and decided to reward myself by getting a bit of sleep. That night I got about 4 hours of sleep before I had to wake up to finish my paper. 30 minutes before the deadline, I got in 6 pages, and by then I called it quits. It was only a first draft, so why was I even bother trying so hard? I submitted it and then crashed for another hour before having to go to my English class at 11 AM. 

I still wasn't feeling well, but I knew that I had to go to class because today was going to be all about peer reviewing. I also missed three consecutive English classes because of NY and my Cultural Center recital and I just had a feeling that she would be very annoyed with me if I missed another one. My stomach was acting up again in class and I just wanted to leave so badly. I couldn't believe I had survived.

Afterwards, I don't know why I agreed to do this, but I had to play for someone's voice lesson for half an hour. My stomach was in so much pain. After that, I went to CVS to buy some Pepto Bismol to help alleviate the pain. I took some and then tried to take a nap. 

I hadn't slept very much when I realized I was doing something very terrible. I was scratching a LOT, everywhere. Everywhere just felt so itchy! And then my ears especially got itchy, and at one point, my ears became so burning hot. I was worried because I knew this couldn't be normal. I threw off the covers and dashed to the bathroom and realized I had red bumps all over my body. 

....what. 

I'm pretty sure it couldn't be the chicken pox, since I got that vaccinated as a child. So what exactly is this?! My entire stomach and back was completely red, and my arms and legs were beginning turn that color as well. My ears were bright red and my face was beginning to be covered in small, red bumps. I was getting so paranoid and freaked out that I called my parents. I hardly ask my parents for help since I can usually find help faster by other means. I felt so helpless at that point, and my parents told me to go to the university's health center or nearby hospital. She assumed it to be food poisoning, since I described her the constant stomach pains I had been having since Monday night. 

After a bit of hesitation, I finally called the Searle Health Center and told me to drop by ASAP. So I had to walk all the way there, feeling horribly itchy and with a painful stomachache, and finally got it checked out. I was given Zyrtex and Benadryl to help alleviate the itchiness, even though they would cause drowsiness. I also was given a special prescription after they diagnosed the sickness. I'm still taking these medicines to this day... I feel like such a druggie. haha.

I was told to take the medicine right away. Again, thanks to great timing, Wednesdays were one of the only days in the week that I do not work, and even though I had Pedagogy again, I could care less about going to class at that point. I had a completely free evening, and so I spent it all on sleeping. by 6 PM, I became super, super drowsy, but oh man, my body felt so good. All the itchiness went away so quickly and I was so amazed by the power of medicine.

I woke up around 8:30 PM because I got hungry. I asked my roommate to buy bananas for me because I had been put under a strict diet. No fruits or vegetables (except for bananas), no fried foods, no spicy foods. I can only eat rice, fish, cooked turkey/chicken, hard-boiled eggs, chicken broth, and just a few more. I actually lost quite some weight.. about 7 pounds, for not eating a lot and because of the diet. I have never dropped that much weight in such a little period of time... it was almost scary haha.

After the banana, I decided that I was going back to sleep. I was still so drowsy even when I was awake. I fell in a deep sleep again and didn't wake up until 1 AM. By then I was wide awake and couldn't go back to sleep. It took me two hours, but I was finally able to go back to sleep (after taking a second round of medicine). 

Thursday was the first day I was finally alive and got lots of stuff accomplished. I started my day at 8:30 AM, and I was completely booked until 9:30 PM. Class, coachings, piano lesson, work, rehearsals, watching three recitals, and I even ran across campus (for a legitimate reason). I think I'm crazy.

By Friday, the red bumps had lessened but some were still there. I haven't felt the need itch since Wednesday though, so that's some progress. My stomach also stopped sending me sharp pains. My stomach only felt queasy here and there and felt weak from not getting to eat enough food on a daily basis. 

Saturday, today, was probably the most insane day for me while still being sick. I ran a 5k in 24:09 minutes (which is four seconds behind my personal record from high school four years ago... wow), performed in a chamber recital, worked for three hours, and now I'm here. About to pass out from exhaustion. I still can't believe I actually ran a 5k perfectly knowing that my stomach was not completely ready to handle such a strenuous activity as that. I almost died by the time I got to the finish line, but after seeing how fast I ran it, I was really, really proud of myself. And I'm also really, really crazy. But I guess that's just who I am.

Above all, I just am so thankful that my God takes care of me so well. This was probably the most perfect time to be sick. It wasn't during NY, or during my Cultural Center performance, and I got better in time for the race and chamber recital. Besides the paper, I had absolutely no other homework. I'm so thankful for everyone's prayers and thoughtfulness throughout this week. I'm thankful that it wasn't anything too serious. I am just so thankful that I am finally feeling alive. As much as a I love sleeping.... I think there really is such thing as too much.

i am so freaking excited.

it's been way, way too long.

i can't wait to see people. i can't wait to see old friends and meet new ones. and the ones i've had on facebook for the longest time but never got the opportunity to meet them in person yet. there's a lot of those.

i'm so tired of being in evanston right now. i just can't wait to get away and breathe, even for a moment. 

--

how is it that i am still so, so busy when i don't have as many classes? this is slightly frustrating...

--

i've lived a pretty cushioned life. most of my friends are in a good place (in terms of their families and friends, school, etc.). so to hear that my roommate's father passed away a few months ago, and that one of my friends from MALV (she's only in 8th grade i believe) just found out her father passed away from cancer earlier today.... it's so shocking. it's just so crazy because i've known her dad all these years and we've talked here and there. and i remember how supportive her dad was to her growing up. 

these girls will never get the chance to have a father congratulate them on their graduation day. these girls will never get the chance to have a father walk them down the aisle on their wedding day. etc.

it's heartbreaking to hear about it, and it makes me so incredibly thankful for my father. we don't talk much because of the distance... but now i'm afraid. afraid to lose my one and only father. i can't even imagine a world without him. 

i can't imagine what my two friends are going through right now. i can only pray for them that they will stand strong and they can find comfort and peace through the grace of God. i can only pray that they won't become bitter at the world and they can find ways to still live an optimistic life. 

--

i've been exploring different violin sonatas and there are so many beautiful ones that i want to learn.

right now my top three choices are:

brahms a major

grieg g major

and elgar 

now i just need to find a good violinist. because i feel like there aren't any at northwestern. lesigh

--

made my first legit dish for a potluck on wednesday! it was really simple... bacon-wrapped asparagus. mmmmmm. everything else is too difficult for me to make. ahah. but it was so encouraging to see that people in my small group enjoyed my dish! it's a huge compliment coming from someone who doesn't cook very well ahah.

--

i sent my first ever care package to my sister over at UNR. there were some stupid issues with getting it properly sent to her dorm, but finally she obtained it at a nearby post office. i've been bragging to her about how much korean food i've been eating here in my apt. and i'm not someone who particularly enjoys korean food as much as my sister. my sister, even though sucks at korean more than i do, is craaaazy over korean food. and it's ironic because she's in a state college where there are no korean restaurants around and she's stuck to crappy dining hall food. 

at one point, though, i felt bad for her... like truly. i knew i should be a better sister for her. so i went over to koco table, a remodeled version of jk sweets (and the only somewhat legit korean restaurant in evanston), where they sold a bunch of different korean snacks. i basically bought the entire shelf and stuffed it inside a box and shipped it over. and now she's going to get freshman 15 eheheheh. ;]

but i really just want to show her that i care, even though i'm miles and miles away from her. i want her to see that God has changed the way i want to treat my siblings. even though growing up, i had such a difficult time with being the oldest child because i hate having to take care of others, i knew that i really don't have a choice. it's not like i can just abandon them. when friends come and go, siblings will always stay with you til the end. so you might as well get to know them well and bond over the years. and judging by the way i treated them in the past, i knew that if i continued on the same track as i had been, i know my siblings will continue to grow bitter towards my attitudes, and eventually they will want to become as distant as they can get from me. and i don't want that to happen.

so i'm only hoping that it's going to get better from here on out. ^^

--

first chamber coaching of the quarter tomorrow! finally... the quarter is already 2/3's over too. -_-

but i have such a good piano trio this year. anddddd we're learning brahms b major yay!

so so excited.

we probably only have time to learn the first two movements for the remainder of the quarter.

if i get into the iowa piano competiiton, we'll have to put the rest of the trio on hold and learn the mendelssohn d minor.

speaking of which.

i really really reallyyyyy hope i can get into the iowa piano competition.

i have never been past prescreening for a legit international competition before. and if anything, i think i may have a shot this year.

maybe.

i just want to see for myself that i'm progressing over these past few years. i want to say that i'm getting better, and that in no time i can catch up to everyone else's caliber of playing. 

--

i guess this will be my final thought for the day.

(too many thoughts to share ahh)

i won mtna last weekend.

for the 19283287th year in a row.

but that's not the point.

what i want to say about that competition was that for the first time ever, i played my very best.

and i can say that confidently.

no memory slips in my entire half-hour program (which... never happens).

for the first time, i felt like i had COMPLETE grasp of the keys. i was completely immersed in the music and really enjoying the sounds i was creating.

i swear this never happens.

and i guess i owe it big time to tiedan. in the past few months he's definitely helped shaped me to become a better and more confident performer. he'd listen to me perform via webcam and critique it. we would have lots of intense conversations about my terrible anxiety and frustration with not being able to perform as well as i could.

and trust me, it took me some time to even trust his words and encouragement. judging by the way he treats others and blatantly judge others, whatever he says to me must be because he is definitely biased towards me. i was ultimately afraid that in the back of his mind, he would actually think that i suck. but if that were the case, he wouldn't have put in so much effort to help me out in the first place. 

overall, i feel like i learned a lot more from tiedan than i did from my own teacher, mr. chow. it's funny that we share super similar repertoire... he played half of my program in the recent years. when i only got one lesson a week from mr. chow, i was able to get several more with tiedan throughout any given week. i truly appreciated it. 

so even though that morning of my competition, i almost missed the amtrak train because i overslept (spent $50 on a taxi to downtown union station... sigh) and i was trying to figure out where i was supposed to be on the UIUC campus, i was still calm and focused. even when i didn't get enough time to warm up beforehand, i was still not freaking out. and even when i went up on stage and walked across to the piano, i was as confident as i could be. when i performed a lot of things he had told me would suddenly pop up into my head. i had images of banff and how i didn't even perform there knowing that i was so fearful of people judging me. in the end, i knew that after all the hours he spent on me, i couldn't let him down. 

and i'm glad i didn't. it was truly one of the most beautiful performances i have ever had. i can only wish that it would continue to be like that from now!

--

:]

i am so freaking excited.

it's been way, way too long.

i can't wait to see people. i can't wait to see old friends and meet new ones. and the ones i've had on facebook for the longest time but never got the opportunity to meet them in person yet. there's a lot of those.

i'm so tired of being in evanston right now. i just can't wait to get away and breathe, even for a moment. 

--

how is it that i am still so, so busy when i don't have as many classes? this is slightly frustrating...

--

i've lived a pretty cushioned life. most of my friends are in a good place (in terms of their families and friends, school, etc.). so to hear that my roommate's father passed away a few months ago, and that one of my friends from MALV (she's only in 8th grade i believe) just found out her father passed away from cancer earlier today.... it's so shocking. it's just so crazy because i've known her dad all these years and we've talked here and there. and i remember how supportive her dad was to her growing up. 

these girls will never get the chance to have a father congratulate them on their graduation day. these girls will never get the chance to have a father walk them down the aisle on their wedding day. etc.

it's heartbreaking to hear about it, and it makes me so incredibly thankful for my father. we don't talk much because of the distance... but now i'm afraid. afraid to lose my one and only father. i can't even imagine a world without him. 

i can't imagine what my two friends are going through right now. i can only pray for them that they will stand strong and they can find comfort and peace through the grace of God. i can only pray that they won't become bitter at the world and they can find ways to still live an optimistic life. 

--

i've been exploring different violin sonatas and there are so many beautiful ones that i want to learn.

right now my top three choices are:

brahms a major

grieg g major

and elgar 

now i just need to find a good violinist. because i feel like there aren't any at northwestern. lesigh

--

made my first legit dish for a potluck on wednesday! it was really simple... bacon-wrapped asparagus. mmmmmm. everything else is too difficult for me to make. ahah. but it was so encouraging to see that people in my small group enjoyed my dish! it's a huge compliment coming from someone who doesn't cook very well ahah.

--

i sent my first ever care package to my sister over at UNR. there were some stupid issues with getting it properly sent to her dorm, but finally she obtained it at a nearby post office. i've been bragging to her about how much korean food i've been eating here in my apt. and i'm not someone who particularly enjoys korean food as much as my sister. my sister, even though sucks at korean more than i do, is craaaazy over korean food. and it's ironic because she's in a state college where there are no korean restaurants around and she's stuck to crappy dining hall food. 

at one point, though, i felt bad for her... like truly. i knew i should be a better sister for her. so i went over to koco table, a remodeled version of jk sweets (and the only somewhat legit korean restaurant in evanston), where they sold a bunch of different korean snacks. i basically bought the entire shelf and stuffed it inside a box and shipped it over. and now she's going to get freshman 15 eheheheh. ;]

but i really just want to show her that i care, even though i'm miles and miles away from her. i want her to see that God has changed the way i want to treat my siblings. even though growing up, i had such a difficult time with being the oldest child because i hate having to take care of others, i knew that i really don't have a choice. it's not like i can just abandon them. when friends come and go, siblings will always stay with you til the end. so you might as well get to know them well and bond over the years. and judging by the way i treated them in the past, i knew that if i continued on the same track as i had been, i know my siblings will continue to grow bitter towards my attitudes, and eventually they will want to become as distant as they can get from me. and i don't want that to happen.

so i'm only hoping that it's going to get better from here on out. ^^

--

first chamber coaching of the quarter tomorrow! finally... the quarter is already 2/3's over too. -_-

but i have such a good piano trio this year. anddddd we're learning brahms b major yay!

so so excited.

we probably only have time to learn the first two movements for the remainder of the quarter.

if i get into the iowa piano competiiton, we'll have to put the rest of the trio on hold and learn the mendelssohn d minor.

speaking of which.

i really really reallyyyyy hope i can get into the iowa piano competition.

i have never been past prescreening for a legit international competition before. and if anything, i think i may have a shot this year.

maybe.

i just want to see for myself that i'm progressing over these past few years. i want to say that i'm getting better, and that in no time i can catch up to everyone else's caliber of playing. 

--

i guess this will be my final thought for the day.

(too many thoughts to share ahh)

i won mtna last weekend.

for the 19283287th year in a row.

but that's not the point.

what i want to say about that competition was that for the first time ever, i played my very best.

and i can say that confidently.

no memory slips in my entire half-hour program (which... never happens).

for the first time, i felt like i had COMPLETE grasp of the keys. i was completely immersed in the music and really enjoying the sounds i was creating.

i swear this never happens.

and i guess i owe it big time to tiedan. in the past few months he's definitely helped shaped me to become a better and more confident performer. he'd listen to me perform via webcam and critique it. we would have lots of intense conversations about my terrible anxiety and frustration with not being able to perform as well as i could.

and trust me, it took me some time to even trust his words and encouragement. judging by the way he treats others and blatantly judge others, whatever he says to me must be because he is definitely biased towards me. i was ultimately afraid that in the back of his mind, he would actually think that i suck. but if that were the case, he wouldn't have put in so much effort to help me out in the first place. 

overall, i feel like i learned a lot more from tiedan than i did from my own teacher, mr. chow. it's funny that we share super similar repertoire... he played half of my program in the recent years. when i only got one lesson a week from mr. chow, i was able to get several more with tiedan throughout any given week. i truly appreciated it. 

so even though that morning of my competition, i almost missed the amtrak train because i overslept (spent $50 on a taxi to downtown union station... sigh) and i was trying to figure out where i was supposed to be on the UIUC campus, i was still calm and focused. even when i didn't get enough time to warm up beforehand, i was still not freaking out. and even when i went up on stage and walked across to the piano, i was as confident as i could be. when i performed a lot of things he had told me would suddenly pop up into my head. i had images of banff and how i didn't even perform there knowing that i was so fearful of people judging me. in the end, i knew that after all the hours he spent on me, i couldn't let him down. 

and i'm glad i didn't. it was truly one of the most beautiful performances i have ever had. i can only wish that it would continue to be like that from now!

--

:]